Depression, Friday

I saw my therapist today and he immediately noticed that I am truly in a deep depression. He was surprised how far and how fast this one has hit. Within three weeks of my last visit it's gone from work being tolerable to life appearing to be intolerable.

I can barely keep my eyes open because I am so tired. By the middle of the day it's like walking through mud with weights attached to my eyelids and cotton in my brain. It's an exhausted feeling that can't really be described but if you don't ever have to feel like that, you're in a good spot.

I'm still generally not eating breakfast or lunch. I do try to eat dinner but I'm ashamed to admit that two of the last four days has led to dinner coming back up in a rather disgusting and unusual bad habit way. I'm working on that though.

I generally don't call and talk to my friends anymore. If they call, I often let it go to voice mail. What is there to say when you feel like this? I imagine it would be rather boring listening to me not talking or answering in monotone. This type of depression is so deep and thorough that it has spread to my core.

I have three days off now so I can sleep in and nap when I need it. The first Tysabri infusion is on Monday afternoon. I am praying that this drug will be another piece of my arsenal. Everything else has failed in the fight against multiple sclerosis.

Now I am fighting a second-front war against depression, struggling to survive and get better and be able to work. I have to make it to ten years in my current job. That means I also need to get my paper work turned in soon to see how much time I can buy back.

I'll keep you posted. As always, thanks for reading and offering your support.