November's nightmare

Okay, I thought spending hours looking for EOBs, typing up stuff, calling people, seeing doctors, and making copies was enough for the sick bank leave but it's not apparently.

I'm frustrated, my fingers feel like they are effing useless, my depression is hitting a new high/low, and I'm angry at myself.

Big sigh....................

I know this isn't a giant problem but my PCP hasn't returned my three calls from last week. Now I will try to schedule an appointment for Monday or Tuesday to see him and get the d@mn letter from him.

I wanted everything turned in on Monday so the process could start but now that's a pipe dream. My notes aren't specific enough from my Psych R.N. and my neuro's PA. I am missing the letter that most likely would be the most specific one.

BIGGER sigh...................

I called Psych R.N.'s number this morning and asked his voicemail for a more specific letter. I'm sure he'll write whatever I want just to stop me from calling him at this point. I'll get in to see the PCP and remedy that part of the issue. This just moves everything farther back in the process.

I just wanted everything done for Monday so I can turn it all in and have the d@mn process started.

(I just went for an early morning super sloooooooooow walk to just get out of here with my frustration and anxiety. My walking is way off and I'm tight in my lower back. I had to keep stopping and resting on my 20-minute mini-marathon. I only saw one pumpkin squashed, so that was good at least.)

You see, the process goes from my paperwork to the Superintendent's hands to a committee that is yet to be determined from people who work at the different schools in my district. Then the magic people decide yeah or nay for the leave.

I just feel like I'm starting to doubt myself here and I also think I am truly in a flare with the fevers, the fingers, the cognitive dysfunction, and the depression. It's just a different type of flare for me.

Wish me luck and continued strength and perseverance to see this through.
Thanks,
Weebs

Saturday shortcomings

I've got a lot of things done today but I have to say my hands and their weakness continue to play a conflict in this act called my life. I can barely move the giant carcasses of hand flesh around without some burning and typing is much more laborious. I guess this requires perhaps a call to the neurologist's office on Monday.

This has been going on for a good week now but the last few days its on like Donkey Kong by the end of each evening. All the more reason to be taking some time off from work. A teacher with no hands faces some struggles for sure in grading, writing notes, and planning.

A Netflix side note: If you haven't watched "Charlie Wilson's War" yet with Tom Hanks, Julia Roberts, and Philip Seymour Hoffman, please do so. I'd be interested to read if anyone else's eyes were opened by that movie and its connection to the current war.

As Tom Hanks says for Charlie Wilson, "The ball just keeps on bouncing." Wow, food for thought.

A flare wouldn't be fair

I'm starting to wonder if I'm in a bit of a flare besides the whole depression mess of late. Or maybe I'm just ill with something else that is making the MS act up. I am feeling better emotionally and was doing better physically but I'm noticing more little issues creeping up these last three or four days.

I seem to be off kilter and smacking into things, not by choice but by accident. There seems to be more random dizziness. The cognitive stuff may also be tied into this. Stuff I know that I know is throwing me off, like driving the car and working online. Little things that I black out on mentally and panic for a second (or two or ten) and then it comes back to me. The difficulty with driving and staying on the road and focusing on that may be a part of this. I notice more weakness with my right hand/arm.

I have been noticing my fever has been on the upper end of the low-grade area most of the time lately (about 100.5 degrees or so). Maybe I have a UTI or some other infection that I don't know exists. I think if I am still like this tomorrow then I need to call the neurologist and maybe my PCP, too.

I did a lot yesterday but I don't think that is the only reason I feel tired out. I don't take Provigil on the weekends so that could be a part of it but this was going on during the regular work week also.

In good news, there was no binging and purging at all yesterday. All of the laundry is now done with a second load spinning around in the dryer as I type this. I called QVC this morning and ordered some Spanx and some dresses to try on for my brother's wedding next month. I even emailed his future fiancee last night which is a big step for me. (I'm insanely jealous of her as she has basically replaced me in my dysfunctional family.)

It's all baby steps as they professed in that movie "What About Bob?" that was filmed in VA when I was a freshman in college there.