Friday, August 13, 2010

Talking the talk

I've been talking a lot of rah-rah, woohoo pep talks to myself lately. The problem is that I am talking a good game but not walking the walk.

I have to admit something to you all. I am scared crapless about the new school year. My position was changed at the end of the school year, kind of out of the blue, and I am not happy about it.

Not one little bit.

Did you hear me, world?

I am NOT happy.

Instead I am a nervous wreck, worried about what I am going to do and how I am going to deal with it. The thing is even if I stayed in my old position there would be changes but at least I would be in my same little room with some of the same people. I like "sameness". I am very comfortable when I know what my limits and expectations are.

Now it is all different and it is freaking me out. I am overeating because that is what I do with stress when I don't know how to handle it. I want to let the feelings wash over me but for some reason I am a mess and I dived into a pizza today after an early morning Dunkin' Donuts run for a bagel and cookies. Yes, cookies, plural. I had a bagel and two big ole chocolate chip cookies for breakfast. Then my sugar rose to the 350's. Dumb, dumb, dumb move.

I am afraid I am never going to learn the names of all 100+ kids in my classes. My MS makes my brain slower to learn stuff like that. I don't like to be at a disadvantage and knowing their names is power. There's nothing quite like trying to reprimand the kid in the blue striped shirt. Knowing his name is powerful.

I am not sure exactly what I am teaching yet. I have no set curriculum and I am not familiar with what goes on in this new grade. I am supposed to teach Math and ELA Enrichment, whatever that means. Thankfully the students do not know what that means either. Whew, that's a break in my favor.

We are also starting a new Math program which I am not trained in, yet I am supposed to support it in my classroom. I have some Math training coming up on Monday and Tuesday of next week. Sigh, that means it is almost time to go back to school and I mentioned earlier that that scares me crapless.

I don't want to have to change but I must. There is no school fairy that is coming to sprinkle me with her academic dust that will make my worries go away.

I don't WANT to do this but I am going to put on my big girl panties and do it anyway. I'll let you know how it all goes...


Muffie said...

Weeble, so sorry to hear that more stress is being added to your life. I'm assuming that ELA is a Language Arts course? Odd that you would be teaching LA AND math -- usually math and science go together, and LA and something like Social Studies. No wonder you're stressed -- different sides of the brain doing battle!
As far as remembering the names, here's a trick I used. Keep each class on different color index cards -- one card with each child's name. Alphabetize them. Call them in order. Before you know it, you're connecting little blue shirt to his name -- Oswald! Try it -- worked for me, and I had a slew of kids.


Webster said...

When I was taking Experimental College classes, when they took roll I would write each person's name and put a few descriptive words next to their name. Mary: short, curly hair and glasses; Mark: tall, redhead w/ freckles; Clara: serious AND blond w/ cute giggle. If you combine this with Muffie's index cards, you'll be learning the names in no time!

Jen said...

Are the big girl pants a thong? Sorry, just wanted to make you chuckle a little..... ; )