I've been talking a lot of rah-rah, woohoo pep talks to myself lately. The problem is that I am talking a good game but not walking the walk.
I have to admit something to you all. I am scared crapless about the new school year. My position was changed at the end of the school year, kind of out of the blue, and I am not happy about it.
Not one little bit.
Did you hear me, world?
I am NOT happy.
Instead I am a nervous wreck, worried about what I am going to do and how I am going to deal with it. The thing is even if I stayed in my old position there would be changes but at least I would be in my same little room with some of the same people. I like "sameness". I am very comfortable when I know what my limits and expectations are.
Now it is all different and it is freaking me out. I am overeating because that is what I do with stress when I don't know how to handle it. I want to let the feelings wash over me but for some reason I am a mess and I dived into a pizza today after an early morning Dunkin' Donuts run for a bagel and cookies. Yes, cookies, plural. I had a bagel and two big ole chocolate chip cookies for breakfast. Then my sugar rose to the 350's. Dumb, dumb, dumb move.
I am afraid I am never going to learn the names of all 100+ kids in my classes. My MS makes my brain slower to learn stuff like that. I don't like to be at a disadvantage and knowing their names is power. There's nothing quite like trying to reprimand the kid in the blue striped shirt. Knowing his name is powerful.
I am not sure exactly what I am teaching yet. I have no set curriculum and I am not familiar with what goes on in this new grade. I am supposed to teach Math and ELA Enrichment, whatever that means. Thankfully the students do not know what that means either. Whew, that's a break in my favor.
We are also starting a new Math program which I am not trained in, yet I am supposed to support it in my classroom. I have some Math training coming up on Monday and Tuesday of next week. Sigh, that means it is almost time to go back to school and I mentioned earlier that that scares me crapless.
I don't want to have to change but I must. There is no school fairy that is coming to sprinkle me with her academic dust that will make my worries go away.
I don't WANT to do this but I am going to put on my big girl panties and do it anyway. I'll let you know how it all goes...
3 comments:
Weeble, so sorry to hear that more stress is being added to your life. I'm assuming that ELA is a Language Arts course? Odd that you would be teaching LA AND math -- usually math and science go together, and LA and something like Social Studies. No wonder you're stressed -- different sides of the brain doing battle!
As far as remembering the names, here's a trick I used. Keep each class on different color index cards -- one card with each child's name. Alphabetize them. Call them in order. Before you know it, you're connecting little blue shirt to his name -- Oswald! Try it -- worked for me, and I had a slew of kids.
Peace,
Muff
When I was taking Experimental College classes, when they took roll I would write each person's name and put a few descriptive words next to their name. Mary: short, curly hair and glasses; Mark: tall, redhead w/ freckles; Clara: serious AND blond w/ cute giggle. If you combine this with Muffie's index cards, you'll be learning the names in no time!
Are the big girl pants a thong? Sorry, just wanted to make you chuckle a little..... ; )
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