Anonymity

Many of you who read this blog know me IRL (in real life). You are old friends and new ones, Facebook pals, or people I work with. Others of you have no idea who I am but you come back to read my words nonetheless. Nowhere on this blog will you find my name or my face.

It's not because I am ashamed of what I write because I'm not.

It's for my own protection, if you will. I keep this blog anonymous to keep myself safe. It's a place I can go where I can write about anything and I do tend to write about whatever crosses my mind, whether it be fabulous, painful, honest or somewhere in between. Sometimes it's nothing at all and sometimes I feel like I've poured myself out for your reading pleasure, like pancake batter on a hot griddle.

I'm not famous or any more special than any of you. I just have the desire and need to write these things down. I like your comments when I've struck a chord. I fear your silence when I hear nothing. Sometimes it's as if I'm holding my breath, waiting to see how you will respond. It's not easy writing about some of the topics that I do, it is scary and worrisome. Yet I cannot stop myself.

Being anonymous in a sense is what allows me the freedom to be so spontaneous and open. Some of my friends have learned things about me through this blog that they did not already know. I share things here that I do not talk about with others.

For example, many of you do not know that I repeated the ninth grade. That particular year was a tough one for me. I spent part of that year in a mental hospital due to severe depression and a suicide attempt. When I was released from the hospital I went to a special school for students with severe emotional issues. I did no work there and at the beginning of the new school year I was back at the regular high school.

I basically was a smart girl all wrapped up in the midst of some pretty messy stuff. I repeated the ninth grade and redid the year that I had messed up. It was tough being a teenager with a past that everyone knew about. I had spent years being with certain classmates and now I had to start to make friends all over again. I was a freak of sorts and some people unkindly went out of their way to make sure I didn't forget that. But I survived and eventually thrived despite suffering with depression, battling an eating disorder, and trying to start over.

Here's something else a lot of people don't know: I graduated seventh in my high school class out of about 185 kids or so. Not too bad for a girl with a lot of messy stuff, huh?