Wednesday, August 18, 2010


We know too much of a good thing is just still too much and therefore not really a good thing. Lately I have been having issues with too much, specifically my weight and my blood sugar. My glucose levels are slowly coming down but are still not in the normal range. I know this is because I am still enjoying a one-sided, unrequited love affair with carbs. Specifically, bagels and cookies from Dunkin' Donuts.

They, however, are basically through with me.

Most days I drive to DD before dawn has cracked to buy a bagel with strawberry cream cheese and a cookie or two. Then I come home and eat them in front of the TV. I am not eating them consciously like Geneen Roth recommends. I am not eating in silence and enjoying the food. I am inhaling it and waiting for the sugar rush to hit.

I am craving carbs like there is no tomorrow, as if each meal is the last one on this planet. This is not a good thing. Some people eat a bagel like this every day and are fine. I'm more of a junkie, biding my time to the next carb fix.

I have to stop and refocus on what Roth has suggested in her books. It's time to eat slowly, without distractions. Time to taste the food and savor it. Plus, I am having big time weight issues.

My weight is up nine pounds in less than 2 weeks. I'm not quite sure how that is possible. A bagel a day and maybe a cookie do not add up to that much poundage. I know I need to get in more fruits and veggies. I know my intestinal tract is rather sluggish and it's not my period.

So I did a little Zumba today and the other day. I had a big salad for lunch. I bought some bagels from the store to stop the DD runs so that means no more cookies. I am still only getting a small frappe once a week. I no longer order out every other night. McDonald's is a place I go for salad instead of burgers.

But I still crave more, more carbs, more sweets. I have curtailed my diet a lot from all the crap I was eating before. Then again I was thinner when I was eating all that crap because the sugar was just running through me.

I need to ask myself what I am trying to fix with food. There's some messy stuff hidden there that needs to be dealt with. I need to do this soon before I go back to work, which is part of the issue. I'm still nervous but doing better because I know I still have weeks left before we start up again. I know I can do this.

I have to do this. My body needs me to get it healthy. I'd like to get off some of this medication. I'd like to start the scale moving in the right direction again. I want to buy smaller clothes. I miss my button-fly jeans!

Time to spend more time eating consciously and looking at the messy stuff.

1 comment:

Julie M. Baker said...

I'm sorry you are struggling so much with the worst of my addictions. Unlike drugs, alcohol, and cigarettes, food is the tiger you need to let out of the cage 3 times a day. And I find, if I don't make the right choices at the start of the day, it's hard to not let the unhealthy momentum keep me going. I'm reading Woman,Food, and God right now. Well, I started it. It's kind of painful emotionally and I keep putting it down and picking up fiction instead. :-) This is just my long winded way of saying I feel your pain. I also don't want to scare you but I hope you are not like me and are not forced into severe pain to make the necessary changes. My latest bout with UC was that double edged sword for me to learn about healthy eating, taking care of myself, lowering stress, and balance. I'm grateful that I learned it and I'm better off now than I was before the exacerbation, but it sucked. I hope you get to learn before your blood sugar takes you to more dangerous places. Hugs and peace.
Lazy Julie