Friday, July 30, 2010


"I don't want to get to the end of my life and find that I lived just the length of it. I want to have lived the width of it as well." - Diane Ackerman

This quote defines what most of us do, live the length and miss out on all the good stuff along the way. The good stuff used to mean food but I am now coming awake to the world again. Using your senses and living, really living, and revelling in the world is a fantastic thing. It's what babies do. They explore their environment bit by bit and learn how exciting each new day is with a new set of eyes.

It's time I did the same.

Today I noticed how wonderful it felt to complete little chores I needed to do. I noticed the breeze on my skin and hair as I drove with the windows down in the car. I smelled the pork tenderloin I was actually cooking, for once, in the kitchen. I talked with BJM on the phone and made plans to attend a party with friends tomorrow.

It used to be that my only solace and joy was found in whatever food I could dive into the fastest. I focused my life on the size of my thighs and the amount of cookies I could gobble down. I listened to the Inner Voice and allowed it to consume me as I consumed food with haste.

It is hard to change a lifestyle one has held on to for over 30 years. It begins with small steps, little changes such as telling yourself that you are beautiful because of your smile, that you are intelligent beyond what others know and that is all right, that you are kind and a good listener, even though I can talk quite a bit. I am not so bad.

Did you hear that, Inner Voice?

There are some people out there who think I am rather fabulous and it's about time I did so, as well.


Anonymous said...

Those of us who love you have always been proud of you....but the courage and progress you have made lately is amazing. Keep up the good work!

SwampAngel65 said...

I've never met you, but I think you're pretty fabulous! You're taking steps to change your life and I admire that. There are things about me that I'd like to change, but just haven't gotten the motivation to start doing it yet, but I will. YOU are inspiring! Some days are hard, but it'll all be worth it...YOU are worth it. Keep it up and always remember that each day, no matter how hard or crappy, is a gift that we'll never get back. :)