I wonder if other MSers wonder what the future will bring for them. It's been on my mind lately and more so now that I caught this story from Facebook that showed MS in mice being cured at McGill University. Here's the link to copy and paste if you'd like to read more:
http://www.physorg.com/news169211700.html
I also saw on Facebook today a comment by another MS blogger about seeing an older MSer using a walker and being helped to the bathroom by her daughter. She hoped for a cure so she wouldn't be in the same situation. I responded that I would like a cure too because I don't have any kids or a spouse to help me if I was in the same situation.
I sometimes wonder about life with MS five, ten, twenty years from now. I know MS brings with it so many surprises. That's perhaps the most difficult part of the disease when you're in remission, the unknowing of what will happen next. Will I wake up unable to move part of my body? Will I wake up with vision issues, unable to see from one eye? Will I wake up with such weakness or numbness that it affects how I move?
They say people don't get MS until they get MS. That may be partly true in some sense. MS is so different for each person who has it that even if we all blogged about it no one would be able to keep up. Heck, I can't even keep up with all the blogs I have listed on my page.
But I worry. Will I sleep through the night without leg cramps? Will I wake up tomorrow with my numbness back? Will I make it through the school year? Will I remember the words I want when I am speaking?
What happens to me when a big relapse comes? I have so many stairs to get in and outside which makes even things like getting the mail or getting groceries a marathon. I have had to use a cane in the past when I have had severe leg weakness. I have had times where I couldn't drive because of leg weakness.
Who will be there to help me? I have no children I can put to work on small chores and I have no spouse. I live alone. I sometimes fear that I will need help but I won't have anyone to help me with that.
Sometimes living with MS is a scary thing. I can't let that run my life or ruin it but it is something I think about.
3 comments:
Wow! I think you nailed it on the head... The fear that all of us MS'ers feel and worry about. I guess all we can do is what I call "baby steps". Worry about today and now. Try to put into place some ideas or plans for the what if's but we can't worry about it because it may never come, or it might come and there is nothing we can do about it. That is the hardest part of this disease.
Just know that you are not alone!!
My thought is this: those niggling little fears/thoughts are your subconscious mind telling you to take care of things. Plan now for the worst, but hope for the best. Get into an apartment on the first floor, and if you wake up one day and have to use that cane again, it won't impact your day as much. Also, once you have planned for the worst, you don't give it any more of your energy with worry.
The first couple of weeks after my diagnosis were filled with these thoughts. I was laid up in bed. My dad is in a wheelchair and my brother is fighting cancer.
To be honest I had to make myself forget about it, to a point that is. If I allowed myself to worry about things that have not come to pass, and very well may not, then I would do nothing. Literally.
I made a choice. As long as I am capable I am going to do what I can. If something new comes up I will deal with it at that time and not before. The old "cross that bridge when I get to it" type of thing.
This is not to say that in those few minutes before I drift off, or during a boring drive in to town, I don't think about the possibilities. I, like everyone else, do expend some energy on it. I just don't dwell on them.
My resources are limited and to utilize the low reserves I do have on things I can not change or control to me is pointless. I guess what I am trying to say is... I won't worry about getting slapped in the face with a tuna until I get slapped in the face with a tuna. I hope that makes some sense....
Toodles!
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