Monday, April 6, 2009

Deconstructing bio-dad

Sunday was a big day for me, a huge day actually. I went to see my bio-dad with my trusty friend BJM. This was the first time I've seen my bio-dad in about eight years. The last time I saw him I freaked out afterward because I wasn't used to him and the idea that he wanted to really get to know me. So I backed away and only recently started talking to him on the phone again.

This time, eight years later, I was in a much more secure place in my life. My mother has some pretty intense feelings that she still holds against my bio-dad but I am over the fact that she hates him. I'm past the idea that she might be angry with me if she knew that I saw him. This time it's about me establishing a relationship with my b-d (bio-dad) for me. It's not about going against my mother or trying to hurt her, it's about me trying to make more sense of my life.

When we arrived my aunt Nancy was there. She stayed for a long time talking about her family while I waited for my b-d to be free to talk to me. Thank goodness for BJM who kept me company while we waited. I also talked to my step-mother (is that what she is?) while we waited for Aunt N to leave.

I also met my Uncle Jimmy at the end of the visit. He's a character and from what I saw, I liked him.

BJM noticed that I looked like my dad, especially my nose and eyes. She said that when he talked it was like looking at my face. I smiled a lot and I think he did also.

It's so weird to know that this man is related to me and he bizarrely thinks I'm perfect, no matter what. I'm not used to this kind of unconditional acceptance. I finally feel like I am opening up to learning more about myself, my past, and my father.

It was liberating to go there and just talk to him about anything. There were no hard feelings on his part toward my mother. It has been almost forty years now.

There's more that could probably be written but some of it is still being digested at the moment. I'm picturing the inside of my head like a dryer where things are twirling around, getting at the top and falling down to start twirling all over again.

I do know I feel positive and hopeful after the trip yesterday. That's a good thing.


Kelley said...

Wow! What an amazing day for you! It sounds as if you had a really enlightening time, but also need some time to process everything.

I am sorry it has taken you this long to find unconditional acceptance. I've been reading your blog for awhile now, and I think you are an amazing person. I look forward to reading more from you and I hope you will stop by my blog sometime.


Nal said...

Good for you my dear for meeting him for yourself and not allowing yourself to be caught into the drama that other people weave for reasons why you should not or should... and I am so glad that you had a good time. I loved what you had to say about unconditional love and your dad seeing you as perfect... and you are... perfect! Hugs...


Sounds like you had a great day. Good for you!!! You deserve the unconditional love, Weebs.

dawn said...

So glad it went smooth. Your father must be a smart man if he's aready figured out how wonderful you are. Good for you Love Dawn

Webster said...

I'm glad the visit worked out as well as it did. I hope you continue to talk, and meet regularly. It sounds like like your Dad is open to establishing a relationship, and that your Mom is the one with issues.
Be well.

Weeble Girl said...

Thanks everyone. It was truly a special time for me.

Kelley, I checked out your blog and have added it to mu blog list on here. Thanks for making me aware of your site.

You guys rock!