The battle

It feels as if my body is doing battle each day. Food vs. no food, exercise vs. rest, sleep vs. waking hours. I'm always making decisions about my poor body and not always for the best.

Right now I am literaly exhausted but I just woke up. How can that be? Because I was up early AGAIN, my sleep was interrupted around three in the morning, as it always is. Right now I cannot even summon the energy for a deep breath. Typing takes total focus but I feel my eyes trying to shut.

I live in the early part of the day like this. I am so tired, so worn out, and yet I cannot get enough rest. Even my last dream of the morning featured me on the beach, pockets filled with sand, buried in the sand, sick and unable to move.

When school starts next week the battle will ramp itself up. I will take my Provigil to fight the exhaustion but I need to start sleeping all night. I cannot function like this when I have to work; heck, I can't function like this when I don't have to work.

Every day is also an exercise battle. Should I or shouldn't I? I know I should but will I actually do it? I tend to work out in the evening after dinner to help lower my blood sugar. That's a good thing, a great thing, but this morning I can barely take that deep breath. It's as if working out has left me drained later on.

I will, however, drag my behind in to work later this morning. I have some more boxes to go through and filing cabinets to empty out. I have lunch scheduled with a friend. I also need to call the diabetes nurse again with my latest blood sugar readings.

I will do what I need to do and hope my body will help take care of what is left.