Going to the nutritionist

Monday afternoon is my first appointment with my nutritionist. I have been writing down all that I eat and drink for three days. It's not pretty but I knew that going into this. If I had a nice rounded healthy list of foods, I wouldn't need a nutritionist. Plus, I'd be thin which if you know me, I am not.

So I am going to put on a pair of PIP and take my papers and go. I am feeling positive about this. I need some meal ideas for fruits, veggies and protein. My diet is sorely lacking in all these areas. I eat far too many carbs, almost all carbs. Sigh, this is going to be a radical difference coming up in my life.

I can do it. I have been exercising and going to physical therapy. My exercise may not be the most intensive but I am doing something 4-5 days a week. Mentally, I am working on stuff with my therapist because I wouldn't be fat if there wasn't some purpose that the fat was fulfilling, to use Dr. Phil-speak.

As much as I hate to admit it there are reasons I am a Fatty McFatty pants. More than one reason really. Then there are some physical stuff that has messed up my metabolism. Like being overweight my entire life and then losing 40 pounds in two weeks when I was in high school. No kidding, 40 pounds on some crazy 500-calorie a day eating plan while I was swimming and being active. Then later on to maintain that loss I was a voracious bulimic. I spent years throwing up, over-exercising, and taking diet pills, diuretics, and laxatives. I was bulimic through most of high school, going through a period where I did three thousand sit-ups each night. Then I carried it on through college.

After college I put weight back on for lots of reasons, too. I ate too much and was involved in a physically and verbally abusive relationship. I was also in a passive-aggressive relationship with my mother. I was full of loneliness, depression, and anxiety. After my divorce I got myself involved with men who were good at avoiding intimacy and great at stringing me along.

So here I am FAT and with MS and needing to change more things in my life. I want to be able to bend over and tie my shoes with ease, put on my tight pants and have them become loose, and get myself healthier for when I go back to work in May.

Is there anyone else out there with weight issues? I need to lose a lot of weight, a good 80-100 pounds which won't be easy but is not impossible. I'd be glad to take baby steps with anyone who needs to travel the same road.