Sunday, July 12, 2009

Second thoughts

I am having RSVP remorse about my twentieth high school reunion. Should I go or just stay home and be safe?

How could I be unsafe going to see people I knew when I was seventeen? All my old insecurities could come flashing back. All my new insecurities can come flashing forward. That's how.

Now I am not going into this totally alone. BJM and her hubby are going to be there with me. I have to tell y'all that she is my oldest friend, err friend that I have had the longest. But I am still nervous and worried what if no one else likes me or talks to me? What if everyone talks about me because I used to be thin and I am definitely very unthin now? What if people laugh at me?

I posted about this on Facebook and had some awesome replies from schoolmates and other pals. Everyone has been super nice and positive and suggested that I go because we all have some insecurities. I guess my biggest insecurity is different because my body change is so obvious. I'm not one of those people who say they are bigger and they are 5 pounds bigger. I am one of those big girls that everyone hopes doesn't sit next to them on the plane. (It's okay if you snicker; I can't hear you.)

I still plan on going (most likely) but all those insecurities are there. Sigh, I guess I need to pull up my big "big girl" pants and tell myself positive things. In the meantime, I am going to go do some walking, something I have been ignoring. Keep pestering me to get in my movement. Just because I have MS and am really fat doesn't exclude me from moving my body around. It's all the MORE reason to get moving again.


Mike said...

Tough choice. I can't tell you if you should go or not. Really wish I knew the right answer.

There are always lots of reasons both for and against going but the bottom line is you have to do what is right for you (like you didn't know that already, right? I do have a flair for the obvious!). You have to answer those questions that are lurking in the dark corners. We all have them and to one degree or another we all tend to ignore them. Occasionally we have a chance to face them dead on and how we choose to handle those moments is part of what defines us.

Go ahead, grab the flashlight and go take a look at that room. You might be surprised at some of the things you find. No matter what, you will be stronger after the batteries run out and you will know what you are going to do.


PS: You are a teacher. That means you have a strength that a lot of people don't have. Use it woman!!

Anonymous said...

I think that everyone will have stuff. High school is tough an almost everyone, even those you think made it through ok have their own issues. People can't go through 20 years of life and not change one way or the you have an issue with your weight. The Weebs we went to school with, the same amazingly intelligent, bright, funny, and kind girl is the one everyone remembers, and wants to be with. If folks have issues with the weight it is THEIR issue, not yours. If that is what they will focus on, it is their loss, they miss the rest. I am with Mike, you have so much strength, and I know if you want to do this, you can and you will.

Weeble Girl said...

Thanks for your comments. I checked out your blog and I'll be back. You have a way with words and I see you're fighting the battle of the bulge as well.

Together we can do this. I'll bring the flashlight!

Denver Refashionista said...

If you want to, go. I don't feel warm and fuzzy about my high school classmates so I wouldn't but if you have friends there and friends to go with you should go. I bet that most folks will be super-nice to you and that many are insecure as well.