I have been on WW before with some level of success and some level of failure. I am considering restarting the program on my own again with the materials that are from the last go round. It means a total retraining of my food brain but I have done it before and I can do it again.
I am thinking about asking my college BFF to join in with me. She wants us to diet/eat better and lose weight before I arrive at her house in Maine. Then we will feast with reckless abandon for a week and then rejoin the WW lifestyle.
I have also made a commitment to using the WW message boards 4-5 times a week, especially this one thread called "Afraid to Lose". It's filled with bright articulate women who write about their struggles, past and current, and their reasons for being afraid to lose weight. Like Dr. Phil says, "There's always a payoff." Even with being overweight there are reasons people stay that way and it's more than just the taste of food.
For me, the reasons go back way in my past but almost always go back to that point where I feel unlovable. I harbor the feeling of being unworthy, of being a bad girl and I'm not sure why I started to feel that way. All I know is that I do feel that way. Part of my talk therapy is to get to the crux of that feeling.
It's time to get out my materials, dust them off, reread and start planning out healthier meals. School is a-coming and it would be great to be in a routine for the start of a new year.
Saturday, August 29, 2009
Thursday, August 27, 2009
P.S.
I see that I have had my first visitor from Central America and from another new continent, South America! Yippee.
That means I have had readers from all of the continents except for Antarctica. I'm still gunning for the continent to the south though.
Thanks readers.
Weebs
That means I have had readers from all of the continents except for Antarctica. I'm still gunning for the continent to the south though.
Thanks readers.
Weebs
Depression
I have definitely been in a depression lately. Probably because I have been non-compliant with my antidepressants almost all summer. Doh!
I will be taking all of my meds starting tomorrow. My ADs need to build back up in my bloodstream and work is starting soon. I can no longer spend my days in bed until 3 or 5 p.m.
That's all I have for now...
I will be taking all of my meds starting tomorrow. My ADs need to build back up in my bloodstream and work is starting soon. I can no longer spend my days in bed until 3 or 5 p.m.
That's all I have for now...
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Time and weight
In two weeks I will be back at school. Two flipping weeks, can you believe it? I haven't written much about it because school is still closed until next Wednesday. Then I have less than a week to get my room up and ready after having to switch rooms at the end of the last school year. I think there is still some of the other teacher's stuff in my room that needs to be moved and vice versa. One of the good things about the new room is that I have a SMART board even though I have no idea how to use it.
**Off topic
My cooling vest came today! It's still in the box though because it is so much cooler and nicer today.
**Back on topic
A SMART board is an awesome tool to have in the classroom but it is always better when you have some actual training in how to use it. I guess I will rely on my coworkers to help me out with it and maybe the students too. They had one in their classes last year. I was supposed to get one last school year but because I was out so much of the year they bypassed my room and they never installed one the last two months I was there. That leaves me feeling dumb about the SMART board.
**Other topic
Weight! How many times have I kvetched about that? I have too much of it and need to lose lots of it. But here I am at the end of my summer almost as fat as I was at the beginning of the summer. Heck, I weigh slightly more because I weigh less when I work because I can't eat and drink freely because of the bathroom issues.
I have an appointment with my shrink on Thursday and it is time to delve deeply into this issue of weight. Being obese isn't a good thing ever let alone when you have multiple sclerosis. I worry about waking up and needing health care from someone else like a nurse who would never be able to lift me.
I have to do something about my weight. It's a huge mental part for me and goes back to when I was young and overweight. I have always been overweight except when I was sick with my eating disorder. Then I was thin and purging several times a day and running and doing thousands of sit ups. I just don't know what normal eating is. I need to find out and start down that road.
Sigh, Weebs out.
**Off topic
My cooling vest came today! It's still in the box though because it is so much cooler and nicer today.
**Back on topic
A SMART board is an awesome tool to have in the classroom but it is always better when you have some actual training in how to use it. I guess I will rely on my coworkers to help me out with it and maybe the students too. They had one in their classes last year. I was supposed to get one last school year but because I was out so much of the year they bypassed my room and they never installed one the last two months I was there. That leaves me feeling dumb about the SMART board.
**Other topic
Weight! How many times have I kvetched about that? I have too much of it and need to lose lots of it. But here I am at the end of my summer almost as fat as I was at the beginning of the summer. Heck, I weigh slightly more because I weigh less when I work because I can't eat and drink freely because of the bathroom issues.
I have an appointment with my shrink on Thursday and it is time to delve deeply into this issue of weight. Being obese isn't a good thing ever let alone when you have multiple sclerosis. I worry about waking up and needing health care from someone else like a nurse who would never be able to lift me.
I have to do something about my weight. It's a huge mental part for me and goes back to when I was young and overweight. I have always been overweight except when I was sick with my eating disorder. Then I was thin and purging several times a day and running and doing thousands of sit ups. I just don't know what normal eating is. I need to find out and start down that road.
Sigh, Weebs out.
Monday, August 24, 2009
Weebology: yet another meme
***********FOODOLOGY******
What is your salad dressing of choice?
Ranch or Italian Seasonings dressing
What is your favorite sit-down restaurant?
I don't have one. Weird, huh? I do like Olive Garden for the salad!
What are your pizza toppings of choice?
Meatballs and sausage.
What do you like to put on your toast?
I almost never eat toast but I am considering Nutella with all the new TV commercials.
What food could you eat for 2 weeks and never get tired of it?
Pizza maybe but I doubt it.
***********TECHNOLOGY***************
How many televisions are in your house?
Just one.
What color cell phone do you have?
It's a gray trac-fone.
***************BIOLOGY******************
Are you right-handed or left-handed?
Right-handed.
Have you ever had anything removed from your body?
Wisdom teeth.
What is the last heavy item you lifted?
My dresser to make the bed.
Have you ever been knocked unconscious?
Yep.
If it were possible, would you want to know the day you were going to die?
Nope. No thanks.
If you could change your name, what would you change it to?
I wouldn’t change it. I kind of like my name.
Would you drink an entire bottle of hot sauce for $1000?
No way.
************DUMBOLOGY******************
How many pairs of flip flops do you own?
No actual flip flops but sandals. I wear the same pair of slippers and LL Bean shoes every day.
Last person you talked to?
Lola
Last person you hugged?
My family, yesterday when my brother left.
**************FAVORITOLOGY****************
Season?
Autumn even though it means school!
Holiday?
Christmas
Day of the week?
Saturday
Month?
September
***********CURRENTOLOGY*****************
Missing someone?
My brother who just left for Germany.
Mood?
Refreshed
What are you listening to?
The TV in the background
Watching?
TV's on but I am not watching it. It's more for background noise.
Worrying about?
Getting my weight and health under control!
***************RANDOMOLOGY*****************
First place you went this morning?
The bathroom, of course.
What's the last movie you saw?
The Time Traveler's Wife (I didn't really care for it but my brother paid)
Do you smile a lot?
Not as much as I used to.
Sleeping alone tonight?
Nope. Franklin the wonder cat sleeps up on the bed, too.
***************OTHEROLOGY*****************
Do you have any nicknames?
Velma, J Ski, Weeble, Weebs, Jewel
Do you always answer your phone?
Not if I am exercising or doing something else that keeps me busy.
It’s four in the morning and you get a text message, who is it?
My little phone is always off so no text messages.
If you could change your eye color what would it be?
I wouldn't.
What flavor do you add to your drink at Sonic?
Never been to a Sonic because we don't have them here.
Do you own a digital camera?
Yes I do, an easy to use Kodak.
Have you ever had a pet fish?
No, although I wanted a turtle in college.
Favorite Christmas song(s)
Not sure anymore love them all. I do love the Snoopy Christmas album and Josh Groban and Michael Buble'
What's on your wish list for your birthday?
Surprisingly nothing at the moment and my birthday is about a month away.
Can you do push ups?
Maybe one girlie one.
Can you do a chin up?
No, but I can lift my chin up.
Does the future make you more nervous or excited?
Both for different reasons and the same reasons!
Do you have any saved texts?
Yes, one from my sister.
Ever been in a car wreck?
Yes.
Do you have an accent?
I say no but when I talk to friends in other parts of the country they say I do.
What is the last song to make you cry?
Home by Michael Buble'
Plans tonight?
Nope, staying in as always and watching some TV or some Netflix.
Have you ever felt like you hit rock bottom?
Yes, more than once. Thankfully I have friends who have helped me out.
Name 3 things you bought yesterday?
Orange Hi C, small fries, a McDouble sandwich
Have you ever been given roses?
Many times
Current hate right now?
My fatigue and energy levels.
Anybody change your life?
Yes, for better and for worse. Certain men got me into situations and certain men helped get me out.
How did you bring in the New Year?
Asleep long before the ball dropped.
What song represents you?
Lost by Michael Buble'
Would you go back in time if you were given the chance?
Yes, but would I know what I know now? If so, I would NOT get married.
Have you ever dated someone longer than a year?
Yes, my wasband and I dated for several years before we were married.
Do you have any tattoos/piercings?
Ears pierced and no tattoos
Will you be in a relationship 4 months from now?
A friendly one with my cat, yes.
Does anyone love you?
I think so and I try to return love to them also.
Would you be a pirate?
No way. Too dirty and all that scurvy nonsense.
What songs do you sing in the shower?
Usually made up songs because I am a dork.
Ever had someone sing to you?
No, I don't think so. I am pretty sure Michael Buble' was singing to everyone at the concert.
When did you last cry?
Yesterday when my brother left to go back to Europe.
Do you like to cuddle?
Yes, but only for a certain amount of time and then I get sweaty. Ack!
Have you held hands with anyone today?
Nope.
Who was the last person you took a picture of?
My parents and brother.
What kind of music did you listen to in elementary school?
70s music because that's when I was in elementary school.
Are most of the friends in your life new or old?
A mix, although the best ones have been around for a while.
Do you like pulpy orange juice?
Argh, no.
What is something your friends make fun of you for?
For being a dork.
What were you doing at 12 AM last night?
I was actually awake reading, trying to fall asleep again.
What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up?
I gotta go to the bathroom.
What is your salad dressing of choice?
Ranch or Italian Seasonings dressing
What is your favorite sit-down restaurant?
I don't have one. Weird, huh? I do like Olive Garden for the salad!
What are your pizza toppings of choice?
Meatballs and sausage.
What do you like to put on your toast?
I almost never eat toast but I am considering Nutella with all the new TV commercials.
What food could you eat for 2 weeks and never get tired of it?
Pizza maybe but I doubt it.
***********TECHNOLOGY*****
How many televisions are in your house?
Just one.
What color cell phone do you have?
It's a gray trac-fone.
***************BIOLOGY****
Are you right-handed or left-handed?
Right-handed.
Have you ever had anything removed from your body?
Wisdom teeth.
What is the last heavy item you lifted?
My dresser to make the bed.
Have you ever been knocked unconscious?
Yep.
If it were possible, would you want to know the day you were going to die?
Nope. No thanks.
If you could change your name, what would you change it to?
I wouldn’t change it. I kind of like my name.
Would you drink an entire bottle of hot sauce for $1000?
No way.
************DUMBOLOGY*****
How many pairs of flip flops do you own?
No actual flip flops but sandals. I wear the same pair of slippers and LL Bean shoes every day.
Last person you talked to?
Lola
Last person you hugged?
My family, yesterday when my brother left.
**************FAVORITOLOGY
Season?
Autumn even though it means school!
Holiday?
Christmas
Day of the week?
Saturday
Month?
September
***********CURRENTOLOGY***
Missing someone?
My brother who just left for Germany.
Mood?
Refreshed
What are you listening to?
The TV in the background
Watching?
TV's on but I am not watching it. It's more for background noise.
Worrying about?
Getting my weight and health under control!
***************RANDOMOLOGY
First place you went this morning?
The bathroom, of course.
What's the last movie you saw?
The Time Traveler's Wife (I didn't really care for it but my brother paid)
Do you smile a lot?
Not as much as I used to.
Sleeping alone tonight?
Nope. Franklin the wonder cat sleeps up on the bed, too.
***************OTHEROLOGY*
Do you have any nicknames?
Velma, J Ski, Weeble, Weebs, Jewel
Do you always answer your phone?
Not if I am exercising or doing something else that keeps me busy.
It’s four in the morning and you get a text message, who is it?
My little phone is always off so no text messages.
If you could change your eye color what would it be?
I wouldn't.
What flavor do you add to your drink at Sonic?
Never been to a Sonic because we don't have them here.
Do you own a digital camera?
Yes I do, an easy to use Kodak.
Have you ever had a pet fish?
No, although I wanted a turtle in college.
Favorite Christmas song(s)
Not sure anymore love them all. I do love the Snoopy Christmas album and Josh Groban and Michael Buble'
What's on your wish list for your birthday?
Surprisingly nothing at the moment and my birthday is about a month away.
Can you do push ups?
Maybe one girlie one.
Can you do a chin up?
No, but I can lift my chin up.
Does the future make you more nervous or excited?
Both for different reasons and the same reasons!
Do you have any saved texts?
Yes, one from my sister.
Ever been in a car wreck?
Yes.
Do you have an accent?
I say no but when I talk to friends in other parts of the country they say I do.
What is the last song to make you cry?
Home by Michael Buble'
Plans tonight?
Nope, staying in as always and watching some TV or some Netflix.
Have you ever felt like you hit rock bottom?
Yes, more than once. Thankfully I have friends who have helped me out.
Name 3 things you bought yesterday?
Orange Hi C, small fries, a McDouble sandwich
Have you ever been given roses?
Many times
Current hate right now?
My fatigue and energy levels.
Anybody change your life?
Yes, for better and for worse. Certain men got me into situations and certain men helped get me out.
How did you bring in the New Year?
Asleep long before the ball dropped.
What song represents you?
Lost by Michael Buble'
Would you go back in time if you were given the chance?
Yes, but would I know what I know now? If so, I would NOT get married.
Have you ever dated someone longer than a year?
Yes, my wasband and I dated for several years before we were married.
Do you have any tattoos/piercings?
Ears pierced and no tattoos
Will you be in a relationship 4 months from now?
A friendly one with my cat, yes.
Does anyone love you?
I think so and I try to return love to them also.
Would you be a pirate?
No way. Too dirty and all that scurvy nonsense.
What songs do you sing in the shower?
Usually made up songs because I am a dork.
Ever had someone sing to you?
No, I don't think so. I am pretty sure Michael Buble' was singing to everyone at the concert.
When did you last cry?
Yesterday when my brother left to go back to Europe.
Do you like to cuddle?
Yes, but only for a certain amount of time and then I get sweaty. Ack!
Have you held hands with anyone today?
Nope.
Who was the last person you took a picture of?
My parents and brother.
What kind of music did you listen to in elementary school?
70s music because that's when I was in elementary school.
Are most of the friends in your life new or old?
A mix, although the best ones have been around for a while.
Do you like pulpy orange juice?
Argh, no.
What is something your friends make fun of you for?
For being a dork.
What were you doing at 12 AM last night?
I was actually awake reading, trying to fall asleep again.
What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up?
I gotta go to the bathroom.
Sunday, August 23, 2009
A shortie
Today my brother left to go back to Germany. It was good to have him home but so sad to see him leave again. He has openly said he won't be home for a few years and he has Afghanistan in his future.
I went over to my parents' house and we had a delicious ham dinner and rhubarb pie. I watched most of "We Are Marshall" with him while we splayed out across my parents' bed. We took some pictures outside on the lawn. We hugged. Then it was time for him to go.
I was parked behind him on the lawn so I pulled out first and headed my way and he went in the opposite direction. I was listening to my pretend boyfriend, Michael Buble', and I started to cry as I drove away. What was Michael singing? A song called "Home"...
I went over to my parents' house and we had a delicious ham dinner and rhubarb pie. I watched most of "We Are Marshall" with him while we splayed out across my parents' bed. We took some pictures outside on the lawn. We hugged. Then it was time for him to go.
I was parked behind him on the lawn so I pulled out first and headed my way and he went in the opposite direction. I was listening to my pretend boyfriend, Michael Buble', and I started to cry as I drove away. What was Michael singing? A song called "Home"...
Thursday, August 20, 2009
One word answers: a new meme
It's harder than you think!! Here is what you are supposed to do...and please don't spoil the fun...copy and paste into your own note, type in your answers and tag a bunch of people - including me.
Where is your cell phone......................purse
Where is your cell phone......................purse
Your hair........................................graying
Your mother....................................worrier
Your father.....................................golfer
Your favorite thing............................books
Your dream last night.........................sexy
Your favorite drink............................cool
Your dream/goal...............................peacefulness
The room you are in...........................living
Your fear........................................illness
Where do you want to be in 6 years........healthy
Muffins..........................................fresh
One of your wish list items...................self-confidence
Where you grew up........................... rural
The last thing you did..........................typed
What are you wearing.........................clothes
Your TV..........................................news
Your pets........................................sleeping
Your computer.................................necessity
Your life.........................................quiet
Your mood......................................pondering
Your car.........................................silver
Favorite store................................. unchosen
Your summer...................................dwindling
Your favorite color.............................green
When is the last time you laughed............evening
Last time you cried..............................yesterday
Three of my favorite foods....................chocolate, cheesecake, pizza
Three places I would rather be right now....... Maine, Washington, Italy
Your mother....................
Your father....................
Your favorite thing.....................
Your dream last night.....................
Your favorite drink.....................
Your dream/goal................
The room you are in........................
Your fear......................
Where do you want to be in 6 years........healthy
Muffins...................
One of your wish list items...................se
Where you grew up........................
The last thing you did.......................
What are you wearing...................
Your TV........................
Your pets......................
Your computer..................
Your life......................
Your mood......................
Your car.......................
Favorite store.....................
Your summer....................
Your favorite color.....................
When is the last time you laughed............evening
Last time you cried.....................
Three of my favorite foods....................c
Three places I would rather be right now....... Maine, Washington, Italy
Leaving on a jet plane maybe?
I may be leaving on a jet plane but instead of going to Roma it looks like I will be going to Maine instead. My BFF from college lives in Maine and she asked me to come if I didn't go to Italy. So Christmas looks to be stateside but happy in a different way.
I haven't seen my best pal in about ten years, since I was still married. My siblings will be in Rome and my parents will be in Las Vegas. I stayed home alone this past Christmas as my parents were in LV and my siblings were in Iraq. At least this year I know everyone will be safe. I guess holidays truly change as you grow up and everyone moves away.
It's sad in a way because we'll probably never have a Christmas where we're all together again. Both my siblings will be in the Army which will take them far and away and my brother has told us he won't be home again in the states for a while. It's the same with Thanksgiving. Those are my two favorite holidays and we're so far apart. Maybe that's why those two days seem more special than ever now that we're separated.
I guess going to Maine will just be another way to celebrate. And I'll be able to decorate two trees instead of just one. You have to look on the bright side.
Sunday, August 16, 2009
Happy birthday
Happy belated birthday to my blog, Happy belated birthday to my blog, Happy belated birthday to my blog, Happy belated biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiirthday to my blog!
I went back today to look up when I started ye olde blog and it was at the beginning of last August. So somehow in all my summer slothiness I missed my 1st birthday. So here I am celebrating a little bit late but you have to admit my cake looks fabulous. There's plenty of cake for all of you and the best part is it contains no calories.
I reread all of my August entries and thought to myself, "D@mn, I used to write well!" I'm not quite sure what happened to me along the way but I feel like you're not getting the best of me anymore. Maybe the slow corroding of my brain is eating away at my humor cells.
I do notice I am not complaining about going back to school and being afraid of it like I was last year. I am not in as much pain as I was so I will place the thanks for that squarely on Tysabri. A few more infusions and it will be my Tysabri year anniversary. Tomorrow is infusion number eleven or twelve but because we get them every 4 weeks you have more than 12 infusions in a calendar year.
I'm looking forward to my Tysabri as always because I get to watch real cable TV. Afterwards I am going out to lunch at Applebee's with a colleague of mine so that will be nice too. I may even sneak a drink in there at lunch. Then again I may just have water. That will save some calories and some money. Money is always running low at this time of the summer.
Everyone always says teachers have such a plum job getting summers off. It is great, don't get me wrong, but we don't get paid in the summer so you have to save money all year long so you can get through your summer. We have to be good financial planners although I am in some serious debt. Serious debt. But I live with it and try to live within my means and pay it down.
Anyway, thanks for reading and commenting and telling me things in person or on Facebook. It means a lot to me to have people who still read even after a whole year. Thank you!
Weeble Girl 8-D
Friday, August 14, 2009
Cooling vest
Above is a picture of the cooling vest I ordered today. I am tired of the heat and humidity of the past few days so I relented and purchased one from the MS Shoppe. It was marked down to $135.99 I think, if my memory serves me correct. I am hoping this will be a good buy for me.
I got the biggest size to fit my portly frame. I figure I can wear it on hot days and maybe I'll even debut it at work when I go in and try to set up my new room in September. If it's really helpful then maybe I'd even break it out during the hot days at the beginning of the school year because we don't have any air conditioning.
We'll see how it fits and feels first, before I wear it at all. Then if it fits and feels okay I can wear it around my little apartment. Then maybe I can move it out into public and see how I adjust to life with a cooling vest. Perhaps I'll sew a letter or a snazzy symbol on the vest so I'll be like a super hero for those with MS.
Anyone have any ideas about what I could sew on there, feel free to drop them off as a comment.
Does anyone else have a vest that they actually use? If so, how does it work for you? I'd love to hear any responses you might have.
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