One year

One year ago today my Dad died.

I can hardly believe it's been a whole year. Sometimes it seems as if no time at all has passed and other times it seems as if it's been a lifetime.

I have pictures of him right next to my computer so I see him every day. I talk to him on my way to work or on on long drives. I keep him close to my heart even though he is far away.

This is a rotten club to belong to: the Dead Parent's Club...

Grumpy b!tch

That's me, the grumpy one. I had a rotten day at work. The kids are off the flipping wall. I am sick of Halloween and it is one of my most unfavorite days of the year. I'm not sure when I got to be such a b!tch about the whole thing but somewhere along the line I turned into a grouch.

I hope tomorrow is a better day but it brings November, the month of my Dad's death. Maybe that's why I am grumpier than usual...

ER

No, I didn't go to the ER or Eemergency Room, instead I watched the final episode of ER from Netflix. I had stayed up and watched it when it aired but I have been watching the last few seasons that I missed recently and then it was time for the last show.

I remember from watching it when it originally aired and there was an elderly MS patient who died. I believe the character was 83 and she had been married to a wonderful man but it was hard watching it. It made me think about my MS and who will be there at the end because I have no husband or children.

It also made me think of my Dad because November brings the first anniversary of his death. I distinctly remember the first phone calls about his stroke, going to the hospital, staying at the hospital, waiting for my brother and sister to come home from Afghanistan, and watching my Dad die.

There is nothing quite like watching your parent die or watching your other parent or your siblings react to it.

The heartbreak of the immediate moment and then the radiating effects of all of it, the sadness and agony rippling outward... It is just so much, was so much.

We all will die, I know that. It's just so difficult to deal with, whether on a TV show or in real life...

Oct-update

Here it is mid-October and I've written nothing for over a month. First off, happy birthday to my sister. She's still in her 20's and I'm 41. My birthday was at the end of September and I am now firmly entrenched in my early 40's.

School is going well. Lots of kiddos but not too many behavioral issues. I look forward to every weekend so I can sleep in and most weekends are devoted to card making. Crafting is such a huge part of my life now. It keeps me busy and makes me happy to create tiny gifts of beauty. I sell the cards at work for one dollar each and lots of people buy them. That makes me feel really good deep down inside.

My mom told me tonight that she is dating. I feel weird about that. My dad died less than a year ago. I don't know what to think. Part of me is happy for her and part of me feels just all mixed up...

My MS is still basically in remission except for my fatigue. It is always there and there are some times when I am driving to work where I am all over the road.

My diabetes is not under as good control but I am taking my blood sugars at least once a day, sometimes twice. It's not awful but not great either.

Starting the new year

I've started the new school year off with a bang. I'm loving my job right now and I'm hoping to learn all the kids' names within the next week. There's more than one hundred to get to know!

I had my Tysabri infusion this afternoon on the second day of school. I felt bad leaving the kids when I was having such a great teaching day. I'm hoping for another super day tomorrow and then comes Friday.

It's good to be in a routine again. It's good to be doing something I am good at in a place where I am surrounded by friends. Some days it's just good to be me. :)

August Schmaugust

A few people have asked what happened to me. Well, I was card making and reading and napping. Then I also had to go in to work for some professional development and I needed to get my classroom ready. It's ready!

I am very excited to go back to work even though it means the end of sleeping in and summer. It's been cooler lately and I have been loving it. Life, in short, is good.

I'm still working on getting the diabetes under control but I am taking all my meds and checking my blood sugar.

I have had some tough times with the loss of a co-worker/friend who passed away unexpectedly. I got through it, though. It reminded me of the recent loss of my Dad and that brought up a lot of different feelings.

On a completely other plane, I splurged and got myself a Miche classic base and six shells. I am also having a Miche purse party at the end of the month at my house. Call me crazy...

My birthday is coming at the end of the month and I will be 41. That seems like an old number but I still feel young so I am going with that.

Back to school on Tuesday with kiddos and resting, relaxing, and maybe a manicure and a movie in there before we start back up again. Again, life is GOOD!

I will survive, hey hey...

We made it through last week's tremendously hot, hot, hot Tastefully Simple party. I earned $65 worth of free product so that was a nice bonus to seeing my friends gathered in my little sweatbox apartment.

Today I started taking insulin for my diabetes. I am still taking all my other diabetes meds so now I am doing two shots a day: one of Victoza and one of insulin. My A1C was up from 6.7 to 8.3 and my glucose numbers are way too high.

I am also dealing with the stress of a work friend who is very ill and in the hospital again. He has been sick for many, many months and hospitalized for almost that whole time. He was improving but now has had quite a setback. I am sending up many prayers for him and his family.

In my free time I am working on making cards and a scrapbook page for upcoming events. I feel like I am slowly making progress with my business although I am not pushing it very hard. It is mostly about me right now and I am okay with that. I am just enjoying the crafting and pure joy of making beautiful things.

Oh, and on the MS front, I was the number one individual fundraiser for my local work and the 39th highest fundraiser in the state. Other than that, I am doing my monthly Tysabri and doing well.

The biggest hurdle I need to clear is the diabetes and obesity issue. Move more, eat better, take my meds, and test, test, test. I'll make it!

In the saddle

Guess what?

I exercised two days in a row. I dusted off my Just Dance games and put new batteries in the controller and away I went. 30 minutes one day and for an hour today.

Tomorrow it's going to be 100 and I am having my Tastefully Simple party. Oh vey, I have three fans at the ready so we don't swelter to death.

Just thought I'd post something more positive.

Time to skeedaddle now...

This isn't my first rodeo...

It's been almost a week since I last posted. What have I been up to?

Well, on the diabetes front I am basically testing twice a day like I was told to do. I have started eating better with more fruits and veggies.

Exercise? Well, something's gotta give and it's been that. I have only exercised once, partially because I am lazy and don't think about it until about eight o'clock and it's hot and humid then. I have been more active than usual because I have been cleaning and organizing and hauling things out to the dumpster. I am having a Tastefully Simple party on Thursday with a bunch of friends coming over to my place.

Having a party like that once a year is a good thing because I see my friends, we have a great time, and I clean my place up! The bad thing is it's supposed to be about 100 degrees that day which is just ridiculous. It never gets that hot here and I only have air conditioning in my bedroom. Sigh, I'll figure something out with the fans to keep people alive and ungrumpy.

My brother is still home which is nice. I met his new girlfriend the other day and she seems to have redeeming qualities beyond the fact that she is attracted to my dork of a brother. Hehehe...

Tomorrow will be the continuation of some cleaning and organizing and making the beer bread and the chocolate pound cake. I also have to make a strawberry cheeseball. Everything else is made already.

Now I just need to start moving my body!

Back in the saddle again ...

Today was a day of reckoning as I drove myself out to the diabetes nurse educator's office. First off, we stopped at the scale and blessedly my weight really hasn't changed any. I was scared to death that it had gone ever higher as I approach a rather large number that I don't want to surpass.

Then we took my blood for my A1C level (piece of cake after Tysabri yesterday) and we tested my glucose level. It was 221 five hours after I had eaten. Not good. Really not good.

I came out with the truth about my lackadaisical testing regimen and my recent high blood sugar numbers. I told her that I was getting no exercise. Shame, your name is Weeble!

So, what am I going to do about this and where does she plan to go?

It looks like I will be starting insulin once a day at the end of the month. If we do that then I no longer have to be on the pills. If it works better then I am all for it as I am already doing a Victoza shot daily.

On my end, I have to check my glucose levels twice a day and report those numbers in two weeks to her. That, coupled with the A1C level, will be the insulin clincher.

I also started exercising again tonight. It was 27 minutes of very low intensity walking but it was something. I am making a real effort from this point on to build up my exercising to 3-4 days a week. I am also charting my blood sugars online along with my exercise at a health site. I really enjoy spending time online so why not use that to my advantage?

I am also making a true concerted effort to eat better and choose better meals and snacks. I even made a big salad tonight and enjoyed it. I'm not saying I will be perfect because I won't be but I have the time and energy to focus on this. It is summer vacation, after all.

Consider me back in the saddle again. My horse may not be moving anywhere but I am ready if it does!