ER

No, I didn't go to the ER or Eemergency Room, instead I watched the final episode of ER from Netflix. I had stayed up and watched it when it aired but I have been watching the last few seasons that I missed recently and then it was time for the last show.

I remember from watching it when it originally aired and there was an elderly MS patient who died. I believe the character was 83 and she had been married to a wonderful man but it was hard watching it. It made me think about my MS and who will be there at the end because I have no husband or children.

It also made me think of my Dad because November brings the first anniversary of his death. I distinctly remember the first phone calls about his stroke, going to the hospital, staying at the hospital, waiting for my brother and sister to come home from Afghanistan, and watching my Dad die.

There is nothing quite like watching your parent die or watching your other parent or your siblings react to it.

The heartbreak of the immediate moment and then the radiating effects of all of it, the sadness and agony rippling outward... It is just so much, was so much.

We all will die, I know that. It's just so difficult to deal with, whether on a TV show or in real life...

Tomorrow is the day!

This is my last day of freedom, dear readers. Tomorrow I go back to work for a full day. Then thankfully I have two days off and then I am back on a full-time schedule starting next week. If you are the praying kind, please feel free to send up a shout out for me. I feel like I need it.

I just came home from work a little while ago. I was putting in some freebie time cleaning and organizing. The kids seem a little louder than I remember from when I was teaching. I have to reteach all those rules and routines from September again. I even typed it all up on a handout. I don't want any arguments about the way we will be doing things. Most kids like routines anyway so most of them will be just fine.

Many of them are looking forward to me coming back. Of course, they barely had me before I went out on leave in November. It's been five and a half months since I've been working. I've seen the kiddos a few times since I've been out, including three times in April. They get me full on come May 1st. Better watch out my pretties.

Am I nervous? Of course, I am. I was all sweaty and hot while I was at work. We have no A/C there and it's about 70 degrees out. I am the kind of gal who needs a fan on whenever we hit about 70 or so.

Am I excited? Of course, I am. They are my kiddos after all. They started the school year with me and even though I haven't been there it is still Ms. B's desk and Ms. B's supplies and such. Kids can be possessive of things like that. Of course, they have used every crayon I had purchased and all my markers up but I can blame some of that on their substitute. He wasn't as mean errr tough with them on what they could and couldn't do.

So tomorrow is wake up at 5:30 and into the shower in a reasonable amount of time. I'll pack my lunch tonight and pick out my clothes. I get to watch Survivor tonight and I have a candy bar picked out for that. I'll chat with my friend LAP who lives in Maine. I'll be a basket case one moment and calm the next.

All I know is that I am going back and that it will be a good thing even though it's scary, too.

Tuesday quick bits

I made it through Tysabri #2 okay. They called the TOUCH program because of my worsening fingers and cognitive stuff. Imagine that, a facility that follows protocol! Thanks to my old friend, er not old friend, a friend I've had for a long time that shared lunch with me on such an emotional day for her. Hugs to BJM.

Not even a bruise from the IV which was put on the inside of my right hand. They are some good IV stickers over at the infusion palace. This time I held the remote and switched channels and watched bits of about 5 different cable channels. I don't have good cable at home, just the $8 a month cable that has a few extra channels thrown in for kicks and giggles. I also elected for a warm and pleasant smelling blankie to cover me up while I "relaxed".

I wanted to smack Sally Field in the face again when her once-a-month Boniva commercial came on. Gag me.

Today is my second visit to the new neurologist's office (neuro #5) to see the P.A. I am hoping for a good visit and I will be asking about my MS symptoms, a new MRI, and the supplements I mentioned the other day: quercetin and omega 3 fish oils.

I feel a weight lifted from having turned in the sick bank leave papers. It's done and the committee will say yes or no and there's not much more I can do about it. It's out of my hands and I've done all that I could for that.

My dad is having more problems but did not go back to the ER yesterday; they almost had to go but are playing it by ear for the moment. The heart catherization has been put off for the moment until this other stuff is done playing itself out. Let's just say there has been excessive bleeding, vomiting, and chest pain from a man who had surgery about 20 years ago and told he had about 10 years to live then. Plus, he secretly smokes which he knows, knows, knows is against every rule in his medical book. Eh, men!

I slept more deeply last night and feel tired from Tysabri #2 but if it works, then all of this will be worth it. Maybe there will be a nap in my future this afternoon. Time to go get dressed and ready for the appointment.

Don't forget to vote whoever you choose to vote for in today's election.