Work and working on my sick leave

I made it to work by 6:30 this morning and typed in some more grades for ELA. I still need to finish a few more of those grades, then type in the rest of the short Science section, and a long math section of grades yet. So much d@ng typing to do for report cards but it's so much easier on the computer.

It would have been so much easier if I had been doing this on the computer since week one but I do this most years. I usually get them in there by 5 weeks for mid-quarter marks but I've been in such a bind of rotten feelings that that didn't happen then.

I have one medical note in hand and another should be arriving today in the mail. I drafted my application for sick bank leave approval letter and that needs a tiny tweak. I have put in a second call to my PCP for his letter.

I also called the payroll lady to find out when I was out at the end of last year. I can use all my days for sick/personal this year and go back into last year's dates to try and combine time to get thirty days so I can go without missing a paycheck. My boss, himself, called me and told me about that yesterday afternoon. Wasn't that the nicest thing?

I work with and for some really awesome people. Then again, like all of us, I also work with a few people who are like cats' nails on a sharpened chalk board!

I feel good about making progress with the sick leave and getting grades in. I have a great partner in my Special Education teacher who I speak with daily to see what's going on and where I should focus my planning for the next day. I seem to have a good solid sub in the room teaching who is not a "spineless wonder", which would be a problem in my room.

I will be going back in to work this afternoon to work on typing in grades some more and finishing plans for maybe the rest of the week. It would be awesome to sleep in for at least one or two days this week. I drive to work so exhausted and still all over the place but I get there and back mostly okay.

Not sure if I mentioned this yesterday but Tysabri number two is next Monday and on Tuesday I will be back in the neurologist's office to be checked over. Then I think he will schedule new MRIs as he wanted to do them now but I mentioned that Ty #2 is coming up so maybe we should wait.

That means I can get the hands checked out, the depression noticed, and the mental stuff and fevers looked at again.

PS: I apologize for grammar errors as I have stopped proofreading lately....

Tuesday, home again

My computer was down last night and this morning until I spent an hour, yes a solid hour, with the IT people from Verizon. Thank you readers for the comments and positive thoughts. I always appreciate it when someone comments. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

I saw the hottie PCP partner yesterday and he ran more bloodwork. I believe the insurance company is going to start watching me closely because I seem to be constantly getting bloodwork done. It's not like I enjoy it or ask for it (okay, I did ask for the gyn to run something) but it gets done. Thank goodness I have some decent insurance.

No UTI, not that I thought I had one but that is generally the first reason people with MS can throw off a fever. Then again the hottie doc reviewed my notes and realized that I had complained of the same thing back in July! July, people. That would have to be one heck of a UTI. I suspect I wouldn't even have a urinary tract anymore if I truly had had a UTI for that long.

Hottie doc asked me what prior neuro had thought about all this. Prior neuro is a prior neuro for a reason. He did nothing and thought nothing. Prior neuro had left me hanging and feeling $hitty since about May.

New neuro's P.A. guy is weird and I am wondering if he is weird with everyone or just with me. The things he says make me wonder if he's ADD without meds. He wanted me to get checked out for infections and viruses that could be spread by munchkins. (And no, I don't have MRSA even though someone in one of our school buildings does.)

Off I went and no infections, bloodwork ordered, told to stay home today and return for a repeat visit of sorts. Hottie doc thinks some of my problems is the enormous amount of meds I am on. So he wants to whittle away at the list.

The only really new stuff is off my old AD and on 2 new ones at very low doses, one of which I was on before, plus a Xanax dosage increase. I know just about everything I take, except Provigil, makes people tired and/or dizzy. I've been on this stuff forever.

I called Psych R.N. last night and left a message about the med whittling but I think he is in his other office today so I suspect I won't hear from him until Wednesday. He's the one managing most of my meds.

Then I need to call the neuro's office today (which I didn't do yesterday, bad Weeble) and tell them what today's visit brings. I expect it to be somewhat like a poker game. I'll give up Seroquel and cut down on Baclofen if you give me sleeping med X that will run through my system in less than ten hours. I'm willing to cut down on Xanax and double Provigil to 400 mg again but I will not give up Abilify and Lexapro. Plus, he wants to raise my blood pressure meds and add in a diuretic. (The only place I have high BP is their office, honest.) Maybe I can try to cut down on Requip. (I already took myself off Klonopin.)

He thinks all the pharmacological stuff is making me more cog foggy. I don't really buy that. I think part of it is the depression, part the demands of being in this higher stress inclusion classroom, and part due to MS. I don't think it's the meds that make me forget how to divide or teach or name items or drive properly or spell and type (You should see the first version of my post, holey moley Blogreaders!). Then again, I have been wrong before.

Hottie doc says it could be a flare and maybe we need a new MRI. It may be a flare but I'll wait on the MRI for another few months on Tysabri, thanks. I still don't even know what the infusion palace center's costs are yet. Every time I get an EOB (explanation of benefits) I panic a a bit because the costs have the ability to be rather large, as some of you Tysabri people know.

**The good news is I've had three days without purging. I'm still way behind on grading but I did a tiny bit this morning. Oh, and BJM has an answer to her medical dilemma and it's not MS which means I can also throw out my Rebif and Copaxone bags of stuff/crap because she won't need them, thank the person upstairs. I also cleaned more and threw out more stuff/crap last night.

I hope that I can get a good nap in this afternoon.

Off to see the doctor

I woke up and prepared myself to head off to work. Checked my temp and I was at 101 degrees, higher than my normal low-grade fever. I got in the car and it's mighty dark at 6:30 a.m. making it rather easy for me to be all over the road and misjudge my turning radius. I did make it to school in one piece.

Then I started to swagger and sway again. My mind was muddled and I forgot what I was saying in ELA and how to divide during math class. My right hand is showing some residual weakness from time to time and I have a recurrent buzzing patch on my left thigh. My calves are also getting in on the act with some mini twitches to keep me awake. Have I mentioned the fatigue? It's also not acting nicely and it's making me so wacky I can't even understand myself.

So today is a half sick-day to try and get an answer to this medical melodrama.

I am off to see my Primary Care Physician's partner, they both have the same first name and both are well over 6 feet tall, but I will hang my head low and admit the partner is a tad hotter (Oh, lucky me!). I have called the neuro's office and the guy I see just returned my call and I'm to call them back once I know more info.

Then we'll see if I just have some creeping crud, virus-wise from my students, or an infection somewhere, or maybe MS acting up all on its own. For those of you who don't know, viruses and infections especially can wreak havoc on one's system when you have MS.

I'll let you know what ends up happening in my neck of the woods.

Happy belated and infusion paradise

Jiminey Crickets! As I was driving home from work this morning I realized that it is now the month of October (doh!). I also realized that I had not wished one of my oldest friends, er perhaps I should say one of the friends that I have had the longest, a happy birthday a few days ago. So here it is BJM, a belated birthday wish from your loser friend who was too busy wallowing in her own misery to think about someone else.

I took today off as I was dizzy this morning and tired out after Tysabri day. Plus, I was panicking last night and cried again about work, after not crying for a few days. I know I "look" okay to everyone else but inside I feel like it's a freeway backed up in California at rush hour. My thoughts are sometimes racing each other for an open spot and other times they're non-existent.

The Tysabri thing was a breeze. The worst part was waiting an hour for the doctor himself to come in and introduce himself before the infusion started. The place I go to is a palace. It's an infusion paradise. It has a chandelier in the waiting room. It is decorated as if it's a new showcase home that someone is trying to entice you to buy. There is wainscoting for crying out loud.

You get infused in your own little private suite. They have these funky chairs that are better than recliners but hard to climb in when you're five feet tall and about the same width. The doctor himself got me in the hand on the first stick. I could watch my own TV and or bring a DVD to watch if I so desired. They have remotes and the sound comes out by the back of your chair near your ears.

They have a coffee "bar" with coffee (duh), hot chocolate, and juice. I think there were some cookies or crackers there too. Nice big bathrooms if you must drag your IV pole with you and relieve yourself before the infusion is over.

Two nurses' stations to take care of what I think are about 16 suites. Lots of nurses always walking around with their timers checking on people. I was in suite number 7. Must be my lucky day, huh?

There is a real drape type thing to close off your suite for the most part. You get a pillow and a blanket, if you want one. You have a call button just like if you were in the hospital. People are constantly monitoring everyone in there.

The infusions are not only for Tysabri. A teenager was there for some blood/iron transfusion. The guy next to me was getting his IV Solumedrol and unfortunately having all sorts of problems while that was happening. The nurses never acted like he was an imposition. There were children there and older people there hooked up to IVs. The nurses called the doctor over from the other side of his building whenever he was needed and he came.

The building itself is both a pediatric place and an infusion place. The infusion doctor is a pediatric oncologist, I think, by training. He built this palace to make it nicer for both children and anyone who needs any type of infusion. The offices are even done up the way the rest of the place is. It's amazing; I cannot say this enough. This is way better than having it done improperly by my previous neuro in his office while not following the TOUCH protocol.

Infusion doctor/semi-god is telling me that his current patients are seeing a change somewhere between the 2nd to the 4th infusion. He infused Tysabri before it was taken off the market and strongly believes in it, based on his patients' anecdotal experiences. He has asked me to take 2000 IU of D3 daily. He also wants me on a multivitamin with iron. He's a believer in that sort of stuff. He recommends the vitamin D to anyone in this area (the Northeast US).

So today I am dizzy and tired and still depressed. That last part is great for my eating, or rather lack of eating. Cheesecake and Pringles are still here. Yesterday I had 2 small slices of pizza and a half cup of cereal with milk and some water. I also ate a few almonds while infusing.

I'm still having some trouble falling asleep at night. I attribute this to the depression. I prefer to be alone but I am lonely. I still feel like I am in the pit of despair and I don't know how I can fix it to make everyone happier. I feel like each day is another day I move farther away from the human race. I only feel safe in my apartment. Going out into humanity is frightening. Everyone expects things that I just can't give now. The increase in meds have made life easier chemically but the panic and depression are still there like bubbling magma waiting to shoot out the volcano.

Now I am going to rest because I need to do so. I hope your day is going well wherever this finds you. And, of course, to my friend BJM I am so sorry I am such a dolt. I don't even have a card yet. I feel really bad about all of this.

Day off

Today I took the day off. I'm miserable and stressed and I have a fever of 101 degrees. It started last night making my usual low-grade fevers step it up a bit.

I noticed again, which is also typical, that as I was writing sentences on the board for my students this morning that I can no longer write a whole sentence without having to put my arm down to rest in between the words. My right arm has been weakening steadily for a while now.

Trying to get showered and wash my hair is difficult. Then drying my short hair and going to use my curling brush is another Olympic achievement. And my hair is pretty short.

Part of my funk is MS, part of it is most likely due to this spike in my temperature, and part is depression and work stress.

**Also, as a complete aside David Blaine and his Dive of Death is nuts. Why would you want to hang upside down way above the ground with no net for three days? What an idiot. Here's a healthy man just begging his body to work too hard and not kill him so he can be on TV again.

David, come live in an MS body for three days while teaching a room full of students with various needs, including students who are about four years behind grade level. Try to walk when you're always dizzy and frazzled and physically exhausted. Throw in some vision issues and/or walking issues and/or cognitive issues and make it all work. Make it look easy with seamless transitions and a sunny disposition. Put that on TV so people can see a real adventure.