Monday, October 31, 2011

Grumpy b!tch

That's me, the grumpy one. I had a rotten day at work. The kids are off the flipping wall. I am sick of Halloween and it is one of my most unfavorite days of the year. I'm not sure when I got to be such a b!tch about the whole thing but somewhere along the line I turned into a grouch.

I hope tomorrow is a better day but it brings November, the month of my Dad's death. Maybe that's why I am grumpier than usual...

Sunday, October 30, 2011


No, I didn't go to the ER or Eemergency Room, instead I watched the final episode of ER from Netflix. I had stayed up and watched it when it aired but I have been watching the last few seasons that I missed recently and then it was time for the last show.

I remember from watching it when it originally aired and there was an elderly MS patient who died. I believe the character was 83 and she had been married to a wonderful man but it was hard watching it. It made me think about my MS and who will be there at the end because I have no husband or children.

It also made me think of my Dad because November brings the first anniversary of his death. I distinctly remember the first phone calls about his stroke, going to the hospital, staying at the hospital, waiting for my brother and sister to come home from Afghanistan, and watching my Dad die.

There is nothing quite like watching your parent die or watching your other parent or your siblings react to it.

The heartbreak of the immediate moment and then the radiating effects of all of it, the sadness and agony rippling outward... It is just so much, was so much.

We all will die, I know that. It's just so difficult to deal with, whether on a TV show or in real life...

Sunday, October 16, 2011


Here it is mid-October and I've written nothing for over a month. First off, happy birthday to my sister. She's still in her 20's and I'm 41. My birthday was at the end of September and I am now firmly entrenched in my early 40's.

School is going well. Lots of kiddos but not too many behavioral issues. I look forward to every weekend so I can sleep in and most weekends are devoted to card making. Crafting is such a huge part of my life now. It keeps me busy and makes me happy to create tiny gifts of beauty. I sell the cards at work for one dollar each and lots of people buy them. That makes me feel really good deep down inside.

My mom told me tonight that she is dating. I feel weird about that. My dad died less than a year ago. I don't know what to think. Part of me is happy for her and part of me feels just all mixed up...

My MS is still basically in remission except for my fatigue. It is always there and there are some times when I am driving to work where I am all over the road.

My diabetes is not under as good control but I am taking my blood sugars at least once a day, sometimes twice. It's not awful but not great either.